These are going to be some more specific examples from my own life, and the lives of some people around me. For the sake of protecting the innocent, names have been changed, and situations will be a little vague.
STORY #1
When Alice went off to college, she entrusted a family member with control over a bank account full of money she intended to use for school. At first, this family member was pretty good about giving Alice the money she needed for whatever she needed. Alice would simply send a text or call, and the money would be transferred into her checking account, like they had arranged. One night, however, Alice was studying for a test, and when her family member texted to ask her if she had received the last payment, she didn't respond. Some short time later, that family member decided that Alice clearly didn't need that money anymore, and that it could be used for other things. So that person took all the rest of Alice's college money, and used it for something else. When Alice found out, she was furious. How could her own family member steal her college money like that? She needed that money, and her family knew that. So, after Alice had put her trust in this family member, it was betrayed. Alice has been trying to make amends, but it's hard. At family functions, she says there a lot of fake smiles and hugs and kisses, but she's still upset about it. It was a lot of money to trust someone with, and clearly, that person was not to be trusted in that way.
So now, is Alice supposed to just forget that it ever happened and forgive this person? Even if/when she does, she will probably never trust that person with money again. Experience says not to, so why should she?
STORY #2 and STORY #3
Now, I'm going to combine two different stories into one, explaining the two different outcomes because they have almost the same scenario.
Kiley was dating this guy Brandon, and they'd been dating for a while, when she found out that her best friend, Simone, was hitting on him. She ignored it because she thought Brandon loved her. After all, they'd been together for a while, and they were the two people Kiley trusted the most. Simone told her she would never do something like that to her best friend. Needless to say, Brandon cheated on Kiley with Simone. Well, now what? Here are the outcomes as they've been experienced:
1. Brandon and Kiley broke up. Kiley went her own way, but she's too hurt at this point and even still to try and make up with either of them. (Brandon and Simone actually got together in this version of the story). Her boyfriend, who claimed to love her, and her best friend, who said their friendship was more important than that kind of stuff, have both betrayed her. She kind of lost touch with a lot of people, and lost almost an entire friend circle that was based on her dating Brandon, and even a friend circle around Simone. (Now, in this version of the story, Kiley didn't believe that Brandon really did love her, and she was talking to guys behind his back while they were together, but she never actually performed an act that could be officially considered "cheating"). Of course, all of Brandon's friends agree with Brandon, and all of Simone's friends agree with Simone. Now, there are alliances, and if you're friends with one of the group, you can't be friends with both sides. Kiley doesn't want to be around them, if she can ever help it. People are telling her constantly that she's not handling the situation well, and that Brandon and Simone are happier without her.
2. Kiley took Brandon back, despite what he did, and tried to make the relationship work. Even still, she has a lot of insecurities about him. Every time they fight, she asks herself, Is he going to go off now, and be with some other girl because I made him upset? She's afraid when he talks to and hangs out with other girls, and she doesn't always trust what he says when he's out with the guys or doing stuff. (So, in this story, Simone is actually Kiley's roommate, and, despite everything, still tried to make advances on Brandon for a while afterward). Now, everyone begged Kiley to make up with Simone because, after all, they were in the same friend circle. But how could she? She didn't think she could trust her, and their entire relationship was based on that trust. (In this version, Simone also never confessed that what she did was a mistake, and hardly ever talks to Kiley, hanging out instead with all of Kiley's old guy friends). Kiley lost friends because she couldn't make up with Simone, she couldn't control her insecurity/paranoia, and she couldn't make everyone in the situation happy. Now, all she wants to do is leave, so she doesn't have to deal with all of these people anymore.
If you were Kiley, how could you forgive Simone and/or Brandon? After the two people who were the closest to you, who you had the most trust in, betrayed you..?
Do you see what I'm saying? Sure, eventually, the wounds will heal. But the fact of the matter is, they'll become scar tissue, instead of healing seamlessly.
Trust is key to relationships. It's strong and can withstand some wear and tear, but once you break it, it's not easy to put it back together, and it'll never be exactly the same again. That's why, when people are frequently hurt, they have a harder time trusting others.
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